Government - Part 2: Family Government
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[00:00:00] If you would, open your Bibles to the book of Colossians. Uh, we're gonna look at Colossians 3:16-21. Colossians 3:16-21. And if you would please, uh, again, if you're able, please stand for the reading of God's Word
Colossians chapter 3, beginning in verse 16. "Let the word of Christ richly dwell within you, with all wisdom, teaching and admonishing one another with psalms, hymns, spiritual songs, singing with thankfulness in your hearts to God. Whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through Him to God the Father.
Wives, be subject to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and do not [00:01:00] be embittered against them. Children, be obedient to your parents in all things, for this is well pleasing to the Lord. Fathers, do not exasperate your children so that they will not lose heart." May God add a blessing to the reading, the hearing, but most importantly, obedience to His Word.
Please be seated.
So the title of today's sermon, uh, and hopefully, uh, you, you grabbed a, uh, bulletin on your way in, and there are several things in the bulletin. There's a fill-in-the-blank page. There's actually two of them. One is a half sheet, that's for the sermon, and then there's a full sheet. Um, I'm gonna cover five principles in the course of this study, three of them today, two next week, and, uh, uh, you gotta fill in the blank there, and then I've also got an extra page with some extra notes that we'll look at in a minute.
But we're doing a series, a, uh, topical series, I addressed that last week, on government, and today is government part two, specifically family government. [00:02:00] Um, which brings me to my dilemma, because I told you last week that I was gonna try to do each sphere of government in one week. That lasted one week.
It's gonna take two weeks to go through the family, uh, and hopefully you'll see why as we get into the sermon. Um, but I could literally do... In, in the day and age that we live in, I could literally do a month of Sundays on this topic, and I don't mean four or five, I mean 30 Sundays on this topic. Um, it is rich and, uh, there's a lot to talk about.
Um, but number one on your outline, uh, your fill-in-the-blank outline, is structure of biblical government. Structure of biblical government. If you'd look in your bulletin and you'd pull out that one half sheet, and it's got a chart on top and it's got some Bible verses below, and what I've done is I've laid out the structure of biblical government.
Um, and you can follow this as we go. What I failed to do, and I'll [00:03:00] make amends in weeks to come, is I forgot to put on the very top that God alone is autonomous and sovereign. We spoke of that last week. God alone is the autonomous and sovereign foundation for all human governments, all human authorities, and God has divided human authority into what I believe, what most reformed churches believe, four different spheres, and while there is some overlap, there are some hard and fast lines amongst these spheres
Every form of government that does not submit to the Word of God is bound for failure. So if you look at the chart, I've written it out Government begins with self or self-government. That moves into family government, which then moves into ecclesiastical or church government, which then leads to civil government, and that's the order that we're taking.
And there's a breakdown for each of these forms of government that we can find in the Bible. So if you look at the left-hand [00:04:00] column, and this is not popular, but there is a ruler or an authority in each of these forms of government. So since we're looking at the family, the parents, children. Children, are you paying attention?
Are you looking at me? Mom and Dad are in charge. They are the rulers. They are the authorities in the home. There's even a subsection between husband and wife, and we'll talk about that today. The husband is the head of the wife. The wife is commanded to submit to her husband. So there's a ruler or authority in the home.
There are subjects, children. You are the subjects, okay? I will teach you to genuflect later. No, I'm just teasing, okay? But you are the subjects of the home. There's a law in the household, and that law is parental rules based on God's law. God commands us to take care of our children, so different households come up with different bedtime times and different, you know, diets and things like that.[00:05:00]
So there's rules, parental rules based on the law of God. There's discipline within the home. And just some of the kinds of discipline, I've given you some examples, instruction, encouragement, chastisement. And finally, there is an inheritance, or by the grace of God, there is a reward for a biblically structured home.
And the reward is long life. The reward is legacy. Ultimately, the reward is eternal life because of God's grace. But one of the reasons why I quickly came to the decision that I can't do this in one week is because there are all kinds of attacks against the family. There are all kinds of counterfeits out there, and hopefully you remember that the enemy's strategy is to counterfeit, is to look something like the biblical model, but it's not.
It's a counterfeit. So I just want to list some of the counterfeits for you, and then I'm going to take a little bit of time and dive into one of them. Adultery, [00:06:00] incest, prostitution, sodomy, polygamy, divorce, abortion, feminism, Marxism, liberal theology, and the idea of toxic masculinity. And believe me, that's a short list.
I could go on. But where I do want to spend a little bit of time is in feminism, because feminism has crept into the family, feminism has crept into the church, and feminism has crept into the state. And if you're a man sitting here today, you might feel good that I'm beginning with that. You might feel like crossing your arms and saying, "Yeah."
But I want to be clear. Men, it is our fault. It is our fault that feminism has reared its ugly head because feminism, on the good side of it, is a response to abuse, [00:07:00] and we are responsible for that abuse. Most scholars will tell you that feminism has four different phases or four different waves, and you don't need to take notes for this part of the sermon because I will send these notes, I'll send a PDF file out tomorrow in our weekly email, and it'll have all this, and trust me, I am being brief.
But feminism began in the early 1800s, and you may not recognize this word, but it actually began with an attack on coverture, and coverture is both a historical and a legal term, and basically what it says, and it was written into our laws, is the husband is the protector and the authority of the home.
That's a very biblical concept. But feminism began to attack it. It began to address things like political equality, suffrage, okay? The 19th Amendment was passed in 1920. Um, access to education. Hear me and hear me well. I'm not [00:08:00] saying that everything tied to feminism is horrible and bad. As I said before, there have been abuses, and when you abuse someone long enough, they bite you.
So I'm not saying that everything was bad, but I am saying it was an attack ultimately on the family. And this may shock you, this may even bother you, but even voting, there's a time in our country that only landowners could vote, and the reason only landowners could vote is because they had an investment in the country, and they did it by households, and it wasn't to put down the wives.
It was because families were to function as a unit The second wave began around the 1960s, and it was still an attack on overture. Believe it or not, written into our laws, it actually said in many states that the husband was the head and master of the house. And I [00:09:00] realize some of those words probably they're shocking.
They may bother some of you. But again, this is biblical language, and it's also language of the time. But it was actually codified that husbands were the head of the house. But they came up with laws between 1960 and 1980, and they re- re- took laws out, and basically men, biblically you may be the head of your household, but legally you are not.
You are not recognized by the law as the head of your household. So we see the civil sphere encroaching on the sphere of the family. But during this, uh, wave of feminism, they also started to address social and cultural issues, reproductive rights, sexuality, family roles. Title IX was passed in 1972, Roe v.
Wade in 1973. Now, the National Organization of Women came into existence in 1966[00:10:00]
But let me break it down for you. Let me make it simple, and again, I'll send you more notes on this. But feminism is the desire for equality. Feminism is the desire for equality. B- But unfortunately, equality is an elusive term. It's an elusive concept, and I'm spelling that with an I. I checked the dictionary, it is correct.
Okay? But spelt with an I, it means it's deceptive and illusory. It is also a term, equality, is also a term that is usually misdefined. You see, if equality meant something like people share the same fundamental worth That would be fairly decent. But you see, even that has its problems. What is worth? Where does worth come from?
Who determines worth? You see, as Christians, we have an, a worldview that can answer all those questions, but when you put them in [00:11:00] secular hands, it doesn't go so well. But I want to share something with you. I want to share an unappreciated truth. I want to share something that, again, we don't like We're not equal We are not equal.
No two men are equal. All men are not equal with other men. All women are not equal with other women. Men and women are not equal, and kids, you're even less equal. We're not equal, and I don't know why anyone would want equality. That's the truth of the matter. You see, there is a difference between the worth of a person and the sameness of a person.
Feminism is fighting for the sameness of persons, and they're doing it under the guise of worthiness. But we're not the same, and even if you want to [00:12:00] say we're, we're the same in terms of worthy, again, there's complications, pre-fall or post-fall, in Christ or out of Christ. We're not equal, and feminism again is fighting for the sameness of person.
So how has feminism affected the family? The breakdown of male headship, the breakdown of male headship, so much so that many churches won't even address this issue
Male headship is God's design. It is not my design. It is not the design of any man in this room. It is not the design of any group of men in history. Male headship is God's design. And just so you know, and I'll prove this momentarily, uh, that's why women don't like us anymore, and they don't. I'll demonstrate that.
I'm not talking about your wives. I'm talking about the world. Feminism has crept into the family with the breakdown of [00:13:00] male headship. Feminism has led to, and men hear me well, feminism has led to the over-exaggeration of biblical patriarchy. And I gotta be honest with you, I don't even know if I like that word.
Until recently, I always considered myself a complementarian, and then I started researching and finding out that not everyone defines it the way I do
But men, I have seen in the church, I've seen on podcasts and blogs an over-exaggeration of, uh, what it means to be the patriarch, the leader of your family. Because true patriarchy is sacrificial. True patriarchy puts your wife on a pedestal. True patriarchy, if you have to make a decision that goes counter to what your wife wants, but you believe this is God's call, you make the decision, but it should hurt Because you love your wife.
Because you wanna sacrifice for [00:14:00] your wife Feminism has taken mothers out of the home and away from their children. In fact, feminism has demonized and downplayed motherhood. Motherhood is the most important job on earth And yet feminism has downplayed it. Feminism has made it sound like if you wanna stay home and raise your, your child, there's something wrong with you.
Don't you have any gumption? Don't you have any drive? It is the hardest job on Earth And finally, feminism has resulted in the rejection of all biblical and biological distinctions. Make no mistakes, transgender ideology comes from feminism. If we're all the same but we're just in different bodies, then we can all be the same even if we're not in the body we want.
Fe- feminism has broken down those desires. And yet the Bible presents something completely different. The [00:15:00] Bible teaches that according to itself, the family is the core, the center, the very beginning of all that is good. Let me say that again. The family is the beginning of all that is good
I've got a ton of quotations. I'm just gonna read to you two from one man, and that's Charles Hodge. Charles, Charles Hodge in his Systematic Theology wrote this. He said, "The cornerstone of wellbeing, of the wellbeing of society on Earth is the family. The family is a type of the blessedness of heaven." A few pages later, he says, "The cornerstone of social order and prosperity is the family."
And he goes on to say, "It follows that those families are blessed of God in which God's plan and purpose are most fully carried out and realized." You wanna see a family [00:16:00] that is blessed? According to Hodge, and I believe according to the scriptures, it is the family that follows God's rules. It is the family that submits to the lordship of Jesus Christ Number two on your outline, I think I skipped number one.
No, I said it, structure of biblical government. Number two is family government. Number two is family government. Turn in your Bibles to Genesis chapter 1
Turn in your Bibles to Genesis chapter 1. Specifically, we're gonna look at verses 26 and 28, verses 26 and 28. And what I wanna establish here is the importance of the family or the role of the family. As I said, the family is the beginning of everything good. The family is the beginning of everything possible, and we see that in Genesis chapter 1.
So in Genesis chapter 1, beginning in verse 26, "Then God said, 'Let Us make man in Our image, according to Our likeness; and [00:17:00] let them rule over the fish of the sea, and over the birds of the sky, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creeps upon the earth.' And so God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created them; male and female He created them."
We've covered this passage before, and the word for male and female are very specific. One means pointed, one means pierced. Figure it out Verse 28: "And God blessed them." And we need to understand this term blessing and how it is used throughout scripture. To bless someone is always to bring about something good or to remind them of something good that's going on in their life.
But sometimes, especially when it's God doing the blessing, it is actually enabling or empowering them. So when we read that God blessed them and God said to them, "Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth," God is enabling them to do that. You see, this is another, uh, [00:18:00] ideology that's been damaged by feminism, and that is, and we'll look at it in detail next week, but that is the desire to have children.
I can't tell you how many Christians I've run into, how many young people who aren't married I've run into who don't want kids. And yet, according to this passage, it's actually part of what we're created to do. It's part of our desire. Even when I was in college and I was taking secular classes on human development, the doctors that were writing those textbooks even recognized it, and yet today it seems to be rejected.
And yet we've been blessed. We've been blessed to desire and also to be capable of being fruitful and multiply and filling the earth. We have been commanded to subdue it and rule over it, and this word translated subdue literally means to bring it into bondage. It's literally a word in the Hebrew that elsewhere it's translated footstool, and the idea here is you need to defeat and conquer the world.
You see, God wasn't gonna [00:19:00] make it easy even in a pre-fallen world. Adam was commanded to work in a pre-fallen world, and God meant it. You're gonna have to work to bring this about. You're gonna have to work to subdue the earth. You're gonna have to work to rule, and this word translated rule means to dominate and have dominion over.
And man was to dominate the fish of the sea, the birds of the sky, over every living thing that moves upon the earth. In this passage, as well as Genesis 2:2-3, which speak of God blessing the seventh day and initiating the Sabbath, these passages have come to be recognized as the cultural mandate. Another way of looking at them are they are creation ordinances.
And there's three. Matt mentioned them during the announcements. Marriage and multiplication, which loosely corresponds to family government. There's labor and dominion, which loosely corresponds to civil government, and there's Sabbath. There's resting in God, which [00:20:00] leads to the worship of God, and that loosely corresponds to ecclesiastical government.
So there's another handout in your bulletin. It's another fill-in-the-blank. It's a full sheet. It's folded in half. But I want to give you the first principle of family government. And the first principle of family government is this. The family is indispensable for the existence of and the good of church and state.
The family is indispensable for the existence of and the good of church and state, or another way of combining church and state, society. You see, society would not exist apart from the family. Society would not exist apart from the family. A on your outline is husband and wife. A on your outline is husband and wife.
Next week we'll look at parents and children But before I get to husband and wife, I wanted to give you some insight on marriage, and I'm gonna give it to you from several [00:21:00] different perspectives. And the first perspective that I wanna give you is the Christian perspective, loosely speaking. Uh, this comes from Barna, and I, I like Barna.
I like when they do their surveys and they put their data together. I think they do a great job. I do not agree with all the theology that comes from Barna, uh, but I do like, uh, what they do with surveys and things like that. So couple of things that I just wanna share with you. Number one, first-time marriages are down in our society.
There was a time back in the '50s where over s- where, uh, over 67%, almost 70% of people 18 and older, and this is what the survey addressed, they, they talked to people 18 and over, but back in the '50s, 67% of those folks were married. Today it's dropped to 46, but it has had a steady decline for the last 70 years.
And it's a fair question to ask why. Here's some [00:22:00] good news. Unmarried cohabitation is actually rare according to Barna. People living together is actually rare. According to the census, only 8% of unmarried people are currently living together. That's a good news. That makes you feel good. Now I'm gonna bring you down.
Sadly, 42% of practicing Christians now say it is wise to live with someone before marriage. Almost half, 42% of practicing Christians. And Barna does a really good job of distinguishing those who simply claim Christ and those who actually claim Christ, go to church, and attempt to live out their faith, and that's the group he's talking about Another downer is apparently Christians divorce as often as non-Christians, and depending on what survey, and they mentioned a couple in this report, anywhere from sixteen to eighteen percent of all married couples have been divorced at least once, and [00:23:00] Christians do it at the same rate.
Remember the context of this report is about marriage, and so they asked these people, "If you get married, um, do you believe that having children, uh, leads to a fulfilling life?" And the group taken as a whole, sixty-nine percent answered that question no. Sixty-nine percent basically said, "Having children isn't gonna do anything for the fulfillment of my life."
And the largest group of people were g- were, uh, Gen Z, people that were fourteen to twenty-nine, so according to the survey, eighteen to twenty-nine years old, most not married yet, no interest in having children
This is an interesting statistic. Uh, pastors, most pastors in the United States of, of America are married. In fact, uh, the 97% of all pastors are married. In fact, Barna describes them as the marrying kind. But here's the sad news. [00:24:00] 18% of all pastors have been divorced at least once. It is equivalent with the world.
So that's a quasi-Chri-Christian perspective. Now I wanna, uh, give you a perspective from the secular view, and this comes from a, uh, the Journal of Sociology, and I want you to hear the title of this 'cause I find it interesting. The State of the American Family: The Paradox of How Families and Family Values Are Changing While Staying the Same.
And according to this author, 85% of the U.S. population will be married at least once. However, the age of marriage keeps going up. You see, there was a time in our country where kids would get married around the age of 20. Now it's closer to the age of 30, and it's getting put off for things like career and, and money and things like that, a, a lack of desire for children.
This is interesting, gentlemen, especially based on some things I was [00:25:00] reading on the Signal chat this week. But according to this report, marriage among those with college degrees appears to be getting stronger, while marriage among those with high school degrees or less is becoming increasingly unstable and unhappy.
The opposite side to that coin is, uh, women are more likely than men to file for divorce In 2010, there were a little over two million marriages. But sadly... I'm sorry. Yeah, a little over two million marriages, but sadly, there was just a little under 900,000 divorces. According to this survey, if you get married today, you have a 40 to 50% chance of getting a divorce.
I don't believe that is true of Christians. I've done that research and work elsewhere, but in terms of secular society. More than one million children are affected by divorce every year. Here's the good news, and this should come as no surprise because [00:26:00] marriage is God's default design. Married people live longer than unmarried or divorced people.
Married people are happier than single, widowed, or cohabitating people. Married people have more intimacy. I've changed the word, read into it. Married people have more intis- intimacy and better intimacy than do single, divorced, or cohabitating individuals. And the last thing he brings up is married people are more successful in their careers, earn more, and have more wealth than single, divorced, or cohabitating people.
And the last thing he addresses, and I find this really interesting, and I'm spending time here purposely, but the last thing he addresses is what makes for a strong marriage. And he refers to this as an international model because he's, uh, done this research in various nations, and he basically says that the model is different for every, for all these different nations.
You'd come up with a different list, but there is a top six. And, uh, [00:27:00] the report doesn't say if he put them in any, any order, he just listed them one through six. But what you should not find surprising is in the top six, again, if he's ordered them in the top five, one of the things that leads to a stronger and better and more lasting marriage is spiritual well-being and shared values.
And I'm quoting here, I'm not making this up, things like faith, hope, and love. Wonder where that comes from
Lastly, one more secular look at marriage, and I want you to listen to these numbers. Only 35%, only 35% of women under 25 have a positive view of men That means 65% of women under the age of 25 view men as something less than positive. But when you put all the numbers together, when you take all the age categories, and when you tweak the [00:28:00] question, when you ask somebody, "Do you have a very positive view of the opposite sex?"
Only 38% of men of all ages have a very positive view of women, and yet we were designed to desire women. And this gets worse, men, only 18% of women have a very positive view of men You see, there is a problem in our world, and it is a problem that can only be fixed by God's design of the family. But you need to seriously ask yourself a question right now.
Will we get it right? Because we've seen in some of these numbers, Christians continue to refuse. I read another study this week, and it was basically written by, quote-unquote, Christian evangelical feminists, and they see no [00:29:00] contradiction with the normal tenets of feminism and scripture
Will we get it right? Or will we continue to commit the sin of Adam and Eve? You see, the sin of Adam and Eve is they wanted to decide right and wrong, and I see that in the church. I see that in families. We-- I've shared with you before, Stacy and I have done our fair share of marriage counseling, and it always bo-boils down to, "I don't wanna do what God has called me to do.
I don't want to submit to this man. I don't want to be the head of this woman. I'd rather be lazy and let her run the show. I don't want kids. I don't wanna discipline my children. I just want them out of the house." I don't know if you've seen, there was a recent interview with Michelle Obama, horrifying
She said that when her girls left the house for college, I guess Barack was pretty upset about it, but she basically threw a party[00:30:00]
Will we submit to God's design for the family? If you're still in Genesis, look at chapter two. We need to understand why did God create women? And let me just give you the short answer. Men, we needed them. We can't even dress ourselves without our wives. Now, if you're old enough, you can do it, but when I first got married, on Sunday mornings, I just sat on the bed and waited for Stacy to lay my clothes out.
And I'm not kidding, 'cause, you know, I wanted them to match But we need a helper, and that is exactly what God created our wives for. Look at Genesis 2:18. "Then Yahweh Elohim said, 'It is not good.'" And this word means it is not beneficial, it is not right, it is not favorable for the man to be alone The man can't even find the salt and pepper [00:31:00] on his own.
I walk into the, the, the, the kitchen, it's like a foreign country. Where's the ketchup? In the fridge. I look in the fridge, I can't see it. She comes over, it's right in front of me
Yahweh Elohim said, "It is not good, it is not right, it is not beneficial for this poor, helpless soul. For man to be alone, I will make him a helper suitable for him." And we need to talk about this term helper, because this term can mean support, assistance, but it also comes, comes with the idea of protection or saving of one's life.
And I have read too many books, often written by women, that will take this term and they will elevate it to a level never intended. You see, this term helper, etzer in the Hebrew, is also used of God. But we have to keep things straight. God is our helper, [00:32:00] and He is superior and greater to us. The woman is man's helper, but she is neither superior nor greater.
She is his complement, and that is what is meant by the words suitable for him. Literally, the word mean-- the words mean in front of him or opposite of him. And when God created Eve, it is because she was gonna fulfill a role that he couldn't accomplish, and he needed help. There was no way that Adam could fulfill the cultural mandate.
There was no way that Adam could obey the creation ordinances apart from his wife, because he needed a family. He needed help. He needed someone to bounce ideas off of suitable for him
I wanted to say something about the creation of man and women, uh, but as I was looking through my notes and stuff like that, I knew I wasn't gonna have the time, so I'm simply gonna summarize. I wanna summarize the creation of man and woman, [00:33:00] and specifically, if you're taking notes, if you'd like to go read the passages later, it's Genesis 2:22-25, Genesis 3:16-17, and 1 Corinthians 11:7-12 But let me just summarize and then we'll move on.
Man was, and this is important, man was by design created first. God is sovereign. God does not make mistakes. It's not like God created man, and I've heard plenty of jokes, God created man and then He saw that He didn't really do all that great a job, so then He creates women. Okay, the other joke that I've heard is God creates man, Adam's walking around the garden, he's kind of lonely, he's kind of, you know, "I don't know where this is.
I don't know where that is. I don't have to dress myself." God says, "Well, I could create you a woman. She's beautiful. She's smart. She'll do whatever you ask. She'll clean up after you. She'll make clothing for you. She'll love you." [00:34:00] Adam's like, "That's a good idea. I like this. What's it going to cost?" God says, "Well, it's expensive.
It's going to cost you an arm and a leg." Adam looks at Him, "What can I get for a rib?"
The jokes go both directions. Man was created first by God's design, and God is wise and God is sovereign. From the very beginning, and this is important, and there are so many lines of evidence, man was to be the head of the household. Even prior to sin, Adam was to be the head of the household. In fact, part of Adam's original sin, if I can use that word, but part of Adam's original sin was abdicating that responsibility.
When God judges him, when God pronounces curse on Adam, He says, "It's because you listened to your wife." And the Hebrew there can easily be translated, "You obeyed your wife. You abdicated [00:35:00] your position. You didn't protect her." I've told you multiple times, as soon as the serpent spoke a word, Adam should have killed it.
He had just named animals. They don't talk. The serpent was blaspheming God. Adam abdicated his position. Man, by God's design, was created first. Man was the head of his household from the very beginning. And Paul uses these creational facts to ground male headship in the home. Male headship is grounded on creation.
We'll see that male headship in the church is also grounded on creation. And so we need to look at the concept of headship and submission. So please turn in your Bibles to Colossians chapter 3
What does the biblical family look like? Well, the biblical family begins with husband and wife, okay? It's interesting because young couples will get married, and people will come up to them after, you know, a week, "Uh, when are you gonna start having kids?" [00:36:00] You know, "When are you gonna start a family?" Well, I started the family when I said, "I do."
That's the beginning of the biblical family. So what is the biblical family supposed to look like? Look at Colossians 3:18-19. I'll read them, then I'm gonna back up and make several points. Verse 18, "Wives, be subject to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and do not be embittered against them."
"Wives, be subject." What does this word subjection mean? What does it mean? Well, literally, it's a military term. Literally, it means to line up under, okay? It means to line up under and follow. It brings with it the idea... It's not synonymous with, but it clearly brings with it the idea that there are times when you will need to obey.
And yet we've removed that from our wedding ceremonies. There [00:37:00] once was a day that when people covenanted to get married, the vows were different, and included in the woman's vow was to love and obey. And the men's vow was something like to love and protect or care for. But they've changed because we don't like this ideology, but that's what it means to submit.
In fact, in Ephesians chapter 5, the 22nd verse, to make it more intimate, Paul adds the word own. Submit to your own husband. The Bible clearly presents a hierarchy within the family, and the hierarchy is the husband is the head of the home and the wife is his helper
"Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting to the Lord." And that's the caveat. That's the good news. Ladies, it needs to be in the context of God's law. It needs to be in the context of Christ and His protection. Your husband cannot tell you just anything, [00:38:00] okay? I know of people that have been struggling in their marriage, and basically, they finally come to us, they, they finally wanna talk about it, or maybe the wife finally, finally comes, and basically, "My husband says I can't go to church, and I can't take the children with me.
And so I'm submitting to what he says." No, because that is not in the Lord. And if your husband asks you to sin, and to ask you not to go to the church, not to raise your kids in the discipline and instruction of Jesus, he's asking you to sin, and you don't need to submit to that. I'll give you another example.
I know married couples where they won't get counseling for so long because the husband has forbidden the wife to go to the elders of the church. That is sinful. If you're a married woman, you have every right to go to the elders of the church. Not behind your husband's back. You need to let him know, "This isn't working out.
You're not being reasonable. [00:39:00] Whatever. I don't think you're being reasonable. I'm going to the elders. I'm, I, I, I need some help here." And you have every right to do that. Men, headship does not mean you're the king of the house. And submission, the Greek word s- for submission is not doromateo, doormat. It's not what it means
To be head of your household is yes, ultimately decisions fall on you. But if you're the kind of man that doesn't discuss things with your wife, if you have a big decision ahead of you and you haven't talked to your wife about it, you're a fool. And I'm just gonna read you what I put in my notes. You're a damn fool.
I will never forget the day I came home. I was excited because I'd been learning reform theology. I'd been learning all these things, and Stacy will remember this like it was yesterday. I came home, I made dinner, I had candles lit, flowers. She's already looking at me weird. Flowers on the counter, and I sat her down and I gently took her hand and I looked into her eyes [00:40:00] and said, "Stacy, dearest lamp of my life, I've been studying theology and I've come to the conclusion that the Sabbath is something real and the Sabbath is something we should practice as Christians.
So I'm gonna take the next six months or however long it takes, and I'm gonna gently and lovingly walk you through the scriptures and show you what I've been learning." Apparently nobody believes that story. No, I didn't do it that way. I was one of those damn fools I'm talking about. Stacy, we're Sabbatarians now.
We're no longer going out to eat. The king has spoken Wrong. Has nothing to do with headship. Headship, as we'll see in the book of Ephesians, is sacrificial
Husbands are commanded to love their wives, and as we'll see in the Book of Ephesians, and we'll only look at a few things there, but it's a sacrificial love. [00:41:00] You're to love your wives sacrificially. In fact, the model of loving your wife in the Book of Ephesians is Christ. And I think sometimes we get it wrong because Paul talks about husbands loving their wife as Christ did the church, and then he goes on to talk about Jesus, and sometimes we apply too much of that to the husband, but Jesus is the model.
And how did Jesus love? Sacrificially. When we go to the table today, I have something to share with you, uh, that will even explain that even more. Even when Jesus knew that He was gonna be tortured and abandoned, He still loved His people. And husbands, we're to love our wives, and we're to sacrifice daily.
I've used this illustration before. It really doesn't matter that you're willing to jump in front of the grizzly bear if it's coming after you, okay? 'Cause you're gonna go down in history if you do that. 9B News is gonna print articles about you. What matters is, do you sacrifice every [00:42:00] single day for your wife?
Do you love her the way Christ loves the church? And then Paul adds this interesting, uh, expression. He says, "Husbands, love your wives and do not be embittered against them." And this is, uh, really hard to translate because it can be translated one of two ways. It can be translated, "Don't you get embittered against your wife," and another way that you can translate this phrase is, "Don't you make her bitter."
And the idea here, I think, is the idea here is don't abuse your position. Don't abuse your authority. When you're in an argument, don't puff out your chest. Don't raise your voice. Don't try to show her you're king. Love her in a way that she wants you to be king So Paul warns us. You see, men and women are complementary in being, value, and worth standing before God.
But w- men and women are [00:43:00] not complementary in design, function, or rank. There's a rank in the home, and this same information is presented in the Book of Ephesians in chapter five, verses 22 to 33. But I wanna give you the next two principles. Principle number two, God has designed a hierarchy within the home, husband, wife, parent, child.
Again, God has designed a hierarchy within the home, husband, wife, parent, child. And then the third principle, and this is kind of a transit- transitional principle, and we'll get into it more next week, but it's important. And kids, listen up, 'cause you'll love this one. The third principle is this, and society has forgotten it.
The husband and wife relationship is the priority relationship in the home. Husband and wife, you are the priority in the home And when [00:44:00] you bring a child home, you help that child fit into your world. You don't revolve around the child. God has designed a hierarchy within the home, husband, wife, parent, child.
The husband and wife relationship is the priority relationship in the home. So what have we seen this morning? We've seen what the world thinks of family, of marriage. We've seen that men and women in the world don't even like each other. So it should not surprise us that marriage is down, the rate of marriage.
Divorce is up. We've seen far too much creep into the church. I mean, I'm asking you to be honest. Go home and ask yourselves, "Have I been a leader to my wife? Have I been..." Somebody in the book of, uh, Ephesians, uh, says that wives are to submit to their husbands, and then towards the end of the passage it says wives are to respect their husbands.
Have I earned that respect? Am I respectable? [00:45:00] Am I the kind of person that she would fall in love with again? Yeah, I tricked her several years ago. Okay, do the, do the, the homework. You know, any good study you read, the men and women's brains aren't developed in their early 20s. God makes women beautiful so we fall in love.
God makes women, in our opinion, not so smart, so they fall in love with us. That was a joke
Will we continue to kick against the goads? And yes, I'm quoting Acts 26. And a goad was a sharp stick, and it was a sharp stick, and you'd, you'd poke an animal to get it to move. And any animal with less than half a brain would continually kick against the goad, and it would only be hurting itself more.
Are we going to continue to kick against the goads, or will we submit to God? Will we submit to God? Will we begin to work on our family, and will we begin to try to make it look like the biblical [00:46:00] model? Headship and submission, mutual love, sacrifice, the raising of children, and actually doing the work of a parent.
Husbands, why not love your wives sacrificially? Why not appreciate her? Why not show her? And if you don't know how to show your wife she's appreciated, ask her. She's got a list, I promise Wives, submit to your husbands. You don't know what that looks like? You don't know how to do it? Are you being discipled by an older woman in the church?
Show him respect. Honor him. You don't know how to respect him? Ask him. Trust me, he has a list But I want to say something to singles, because oftentimes single people are left out of sermons like this. And if you think about it, we have a few single adults in the church, but if you add all the kids, we [00:47:00] probably have just as many single people in here as we have married people.
All right? And I'm not taking back the fact that the cultural mandate and God's creation, marriage is the default. Most little boys and most little girls will grow up to get married. But singlehood is real. So I want to say something to single people. Number one, you are part of a family, and sometimes because you're single, you think that you're not, but you are part of a family.
You have your natural family, your mother, your father, your brothers, your sister, your nieces, your nephews. Do you know what kind of impact you can have on your nieces and nephews? Do you know what kind of impact you could have on your extended family? My grandkids think my son walks on water because he's in the water all the time Now unfortunately, he lives in Hawaii, so he's not gonna have the kind of impact that he could if he lived here.
But man, when Josh talks, [00:48:00] they're, they're just stuck on every word. You have a family, single people. More importantly, you are a part of this church family, and you can have an impact in this church. More on that in a minute. Well, more now. For those that, of you who are gifted with singleness, for those of you that desire to be single, you're gifted with single, singleness, obey the words of Christ.
Obey the words of Paul. And both of them made it very clear. Serve the kingdom. Serve the church What are you doing for the church? Paul says if you're single, your mind is freed up to serve the kingdom. Jesus says if you're single and you wanna be single, it's a gift. It's actually a gift from God. For those of you who don't want to be single, prepare for marriage.
Prepare for marriage. Men, what does it mean to be a biblical [00:49:00] head of the household? What does it mean to be an authority in your own home? What does it mean to be a covenant head? Is there anyone discipling you? Do you have any models that you can look at? What does this thing look like? Women, are you being taught by an older, wiser woman?
What does it mean to be a wife? What kind of a husband should I be looking for, and what are the clues and the signs?
If you're dating a man, how does he treat his mother? That's a clue. What is his theology, ladies? And I address ladies in a little more detail here only because when you get married, you're going to be the submissive one. You're gonna have to let this man lead you. How does he treat his mom? It's a telltale sign.
What is his theology? What does he believe now? Does he talk about Christ? Is he interested in Jesus Christ? Does he show that right now while [00:50:00] you're dating? Does he respect you? Is he the one that sets the boundaries in this relationship If you're gifted, obey Christ and serve. If you don't desire to be single, start preparing for marriage.
Let's pray Father in heaven, thank you. These are not always easy words, especially in our day and time. In our day and time that has so twisted what it means to be a family
Father, no longer is it how is the family, but who or what is the family? Because people have rejected your word. People have rejected your standards. But God, sadder than any of, of that is how it comes up in the church. How we don't like words like headship, authority, submission, obedience. Father, [00:51:00] that shouldn't be Father, the, the, the Bible gives example after example, history gives example after example that if we would submit the knee to you, you would pour out your blessings.
But Father, this is done covenantally, and clearly the church as a whole is not doing this in the United States of America Father, pour out your Spirit on those who profess you. Pour out your Spirit on those who have truly been born again. Father, change this church. Change this world
Father, help us understand what it means to be married. Help us understand what it means to be a man and a woman, and as we look at next week, what it means to be a parent and how to love our children Father, break our hearts. Our hearts should be broken as we look around us Break our hearts, and may we illustrate a broken [00:52:00] heart by talking about Jesus, by talking about you, by lovingly rebuking our brother, our sister in Christ, by lovingly fulfilling those words that you gave us, going to them, loving on them, by being willing to disciple someone younger, by being willing to, to be discipled by someone older.
Father, transform this church. Transform your church, the church universal. Transform this country, and it will only begin with self-government that leads to good family government
Father, may we meditate upon these words. May we discuss these words today and throughout the week. For we ask this in Christ Jesus. And all of God's people said, amen
