Government - Part 3: Family Government - Children
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[00:00:00] To the book of Ephesians
We are gonna start in Ephesians chapter 5, so you can turn to Ephesians chapter 5. We're gonna start reading in verse 15 And then in a bit we will skip forward, but I'll let you know when we do that. So Ephesians chapter five, beginning in verse 15. And if you would, please stand for the reading of God's Word.
And again, I would ask you, hear this for what it is. Don't take it for granted. We get so used to our Bibles. We get so used to church. We forget that we stand in the very presence of God, that He promises to be here, and now He promises to speak to us through His Word. So hear this for what it is, the words of the living God.
Ephesians chapter five, beginning in verse 15. Therefore, be careful how you walk, not as unwise men but as wise, making the most of your time, because the [00:01:00] days are evil. So then do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is. And do not get drunk with wine, for that is dissipation, but be filled with the Spirit, speaking to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody with your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks for all things in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, to God even the Father.
And be subject to one another in the fear of Christ. Wives, be subject to your own husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ also is the head of the church, he himself being the savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave himself up [00:02:00] for her. Now if you'll jump down to verse 33, and we'll read into chapter six. Nevertheless, each man among you also is to love his wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband. Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.
Honor your father and mother, which is the first commandment with a promise, so that it may be well with you and that you may live long upon the earth. Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and the instruction of the Lord. May God bless the reading, the hearing, and most importantly, obedience to His Word.
Please be seated
A couple weeks ago, we started a series on God-ordained governments, plural. There's more than one government. We saw that there are governments. In fact, if you look in your bulletin, there's a g- there's a handout. It's folded in half, and on one [00:03:00] side, there's a fill-in-the-blank, uh, sermon notes that you can use.
And then if you open it up, uh, we've got a chart. It looks similar to the chart that I gave you last week. You don't really need to look at it now. Um, you had it last week. I did update it and fix a few things that I'll speak of in a minute. But we're doing a series on governments, and we found out, and it's in that chart, but for now, just listen.
We found out that God has initiated several governments. Self-government, self-control. We talked about that on week one. Family government. We started that last week. We'll hopefully wrap it up today. We spoke of husband and wife last week. We're gonna speak of parents and children today. And then we'll move on to church government or ecclesiastical government, and finally, civil government, or what some simply call the state.
And one of the things that I pointed out last week, and I will remind you of it probably a couple of times today, is that all forms of human government that do not submit to God will fail. [00:04:00] All forms of human government that do not bow the knee to Jesus Christ will fail. All forms of human government depend on self-government, and we saw in our first week that self-government or self-control can only really be had in Christ Jesus.
Because apart from Him, we are controlled by a, a foreign enemy. We are controlled by sin. We are slaves, as Paul says, to our sins, but we are set free in Christ. So that chart is in your bulletin and on your outlines if you're looking at those, and this is review. Uh, number one is structure of biblical government, and I just gave you a really quick review of that.
Number two is family government. And as I said, last week, we looked at husband and wife, and we saw that there is a hierarchy in all of God's governments. There is a ruler or an authority, and we don't like those words, but they are biblical. There's a ruler and there's an authority in all forms of God's government.
And in the family, in [00:05:00] terms of husband and wife, the husband is the head, and the wife is to submit to her husband. And then together, as a team, they rule over their children. And children, all you kids look at me. I'm looking at faces. We're gonna find out today that God is very clear. Obey your parents. If you get anything from this sermon, kids, and I want moms and dads to test the kids on the way home, it's this: obey your parents in Jesus.
And I'll explain those things momentarily But all forms of God's government also comes with a law or a standard. It comes with discipline and correction, and it comes with an inheritance. And we saw that in the family, and we began with husband and wife. And we got to the point where I shared three principles, and it's in your handout.
Um, the first three are already filled out, but I do wanna review them, and the first principle is this: The family is indispensable [00:06:00] to the existence of and the good of church and state. We saw that the importance of the family was it was the family who was to fulfill the cultural mandate. It was the family who was to take the creation ordinances and go out and take dominion of the world So the family is indispensable.
Second principle, God has designed a hierarchy within the home, and that's something our world doesn't like. That is something that our world is trying to get away from. But as I said earlier, reject God, reject God's plan, reject God's authority, and you are bound for failure. And all you really need to do is look around the world today to see the truthfulness of that statement.
God has designed a hierarchy within the home, husband and wife, parents and children. And then the third principle that we kind of ended with, because it's a bit transitional, says this, and kids listen up, because again, this is not popular in our world, [00:07:00] the husband and wife relationship is the priority relationship in the family.
And we live in a world that wants to elevate children to the same level as parents. I love kids. I love my children. But I'm here to tell you right now that biblically, kids, your mom and your dad outrank you. Your mom and your dad have authority over you. There is a real sense in which husband and wife is more important than children, and that is not in any way, shape, or form downplaying the importance, the blessing, the joy of children.
But we must structure our homes in a way that glorifies God, in a way that follows his game plan if we want to succeed. And one of the things that I started with last week is I shared with you the various attacks on the family, and I'd like to do the same thing this week, only this week, the attacks on children.[00:08:00]
It is dangerous to be a child in our world today. It is dangerous. They are the weakest and the least protected of all human beings. Even though Jesus warns us, and I'm going to try to read the words here, I'm going to be a little more strict in my translation because I want you to hear, uh, what Jesus is actually saying.
But in Matthew eighteen verse six, Jesus says, "Whoever causes one of these little ones who believes in me to be scandalized." And the idea is, in this word, is whoever offends one of these little ones, whoever shocks one of these little ones, or even more importantly, what the world means is whoever causes one of these little ones to veer off of faith in Christ Jesus, to veer off of moral obedience to God.
If you cause that to happen, "It would be better for him to have a donkey's millstone hung around his neck." [00:09:00] This was a millstone that was so big that it took donkey power to move it. This is the kind of millstone that Samson would have been tied to. It would be better to have a donkey's millstone hung around his neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea.
Now, the attacks on children begin with all the attacks on the family, so let me rehearse those. Adultery, incest, prostitution, sodomy, polygamy, divorce, abortion, feminism, Marxism, this idea of toxic masculinity, and we covered many of those last week. But for kids, the list goes on. Abuse and neglect, trafficking, and this may shock some of you, but public education.
Public education is not kind to your children. Public education teaches your kids that it's actually... You can interpret the world apart from Jesus Christ. Public education is atheistic. Now, [00:10:00] please understand, and I'm gonna warn you several times in today's sermon, not every Christian family has the same choices.
It's complicated, but not every Christian family has the same choices. Not every Christian family is gonna have the same number of kids, because it is God who is sovereign over the womb But if it is in your ability to do so, understand and prevent sending your kids to public education. They're teaching children to lie to their parents.
They're hiding truths from parents. You hear about it on the news all the time, and what boggles my mind is it's an easy fix. Pull your kids out
Social media, cell phones, transgender ideology, in vitro fertilization, and abortion. And I just wanna comment on a few of these things, and the first one that I wanna go back to is feminism, [00:11:00] because we have bought into this lie And it has affected the church in more ways than we think. And let's face it, there's an elephant in the room.
There's an elephant on social media. There's an elephant on the news, and her name is Lindsay Clancy. And most of you are probably somewhat following the trial, and you probably know that as of Friday, it was rendered a mistrial, and now the lawyers have to decide what they're going to do. But what blows my mind is the kind of support, and please hear me, 'cause I'm going to circle around.
But what blows my mind is the kind of support that this woman is getting for murdering her children, and that is what she did. She murdered her children. That is not a fact that is in dispute. Everyone agrees to that. She killed her three children. And yet, around our country, there have been multiple gatherings of hundreds and hundreds, mostly of women, but also [00:12:00] splatterings of men supporting her, and not just emotional support, but she's innocent kind of support.
She didn't do anything wrong kind of support. The New York Times makes it very clear that it's mostly women. Her attorneys, and this might be hyperbole, but her attorneys have come out and basically said that she is receiving letters of support from around the world. You can't really estimate these numbers accurately, but some of the best guesses by some of the best minds as well as computer st- statistician programs is there are hundreds of online communities with thousands of people supporting her.
And what's frightening is even Christian women are basically saying she's innocent, she did nothing wrong
She has a GoFundMe account. It's raised over a million dollars. And you see, what we have [00:13:00] here is we have feminism combined with the hatred of children. And yes, children are hated. Once abortion becomes legal, the importance of children must be downplayed. And if you don't get anything else out of today's sermon, please understand, the enemy hates the family, and the enemy especially hates children.
And I know I've opened a can of worms, and I know I cannot completely close that can, but that's okay, 'cause we can talk about it later. You can talk about it at lunch. But I do want to say two things about Ms. Clancy. The argument is that she had postpartum psychosis, and that led her to kill her children.
And the argument is that she didn't get the kind of help that she needed I agree with that argument. She did not get the kind of help she needed because what Lindsey needed was the gospel, and she didn't get it. And I'm being broad here because so many of us think that the gospel is believe in Jesus and [00:14:00] be saved.
No, that's just part of the gospel. The gospel is how can Jesus help you in your depression? How can Jesus help you in your hurt? How can Jesus help you in your loneliness? And she didn't get that. And so as Christians, we should have a kind of empathy for this woman But let me say something else, and this is where the shocker may come in.
This is where you may need to go home, you may need to dig into your Bibles, and you may need to look this stuff up. But even if all of this were true, even if she had postpartum psychosis, even if she was out of her mind when she killed her children, it is not a biblical defense. It is simply not a biblical defense, and justice must be served.
And I don't have time again to unpack all of that. I'll simply give you two examples in scripture where we can see this clearly. Saul, King Saul was possessed by an evil spirit, an evil spirit sent directly from God, and yet he was [00:15:00] still held accountable by God for his wicked acts. King David was depressed.
When you read the story of David and the story of Bathsheba, and he wasn't going out and doing his kingly duties, and he was wandering around the, the castle, and it smacks of depression. King David wasn't himself, and because he was depressed and because he wasn't himself, he did some evil things, and God did not let him off the hook because he was depressed.
God punished David severely. I know sometimes you read the story and you think David should have been executed, and God stayed the execution of David. But keep reading the story. God killed four of David's sons. God punished David times four. The fact that he was depressed, the fact that he was downtrodden, was not an excuse for murder.
So much more to say, but, uh, I'll have to save it for another day. [00:16:00] B on your outline, parents and children. B on your outline, parents and children. Turn in your Bibles to Psalm 127 Turning your Bibles to Psalm 127. We're gonna be, uh, turning our Bibles a lot this morning. But in Psalm 127, uh, we're gonna look at verses three to five.
But as you're turning there, I just want you to listen, 'cause we've had this passage read to us a few times. All of what we're gonna learn today about parental responsibilities and stuff is summarized in Deuteronomy 6, which is why we read it at the beginning of the sermon. In Deuteronomy 6:6-7, I want you to hear these words again as you're turning to the Psalms.
"These words which I am commanding you," Moses is commanding the people on the behest of God, "These words which I am commanding you today shall be on your heart." And please remember, 'cause we've talked about it multiple times, in Hebrew thinking, the heart has nothing to do with the emotions. In Hebrew [00:17:00] thinking, the heart was the mind and the thinking.
It is how you reasoned. And what God is saying is these commandments should guide your thinking. These commandments should guide how you live, how you work, how you parent, how you love, how you rest. These commandments, all of them, shall be on your heart. And how do they get on your heart? You need to teach them.
And the passage goes on, "You shall teach them diligently." And this idea of teach and diligently, it's one word in the Hebrew, and literally it means to sharpen. Because the Bible often views our children like they're arrows, and so it's using a play on words. You're to sharpen your children. You're to prepare your children for battle.
And we do that by teaching our kids the law of God. We do that by teaching our kids the commandments of God. "You shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie [00:18:00] down, and when you rise up." And basically what Moses and what God is saying here is take every opportunity you have.
Take every opportunity you have to teach your kids. But guess what, dads? And I'm specifically addressing dads because in a minute Paul is going to specifically address dads. If you're gonna teach the Word of God to your children, you must know the Word of God. And fathers, if you are not in the scriptures, you will stand before God someday, and it's not fear that you will have, though it'll be there.
It will be an intense regret and heartbreak
Fathers, your job is to be in the scriptures. Maybe you don't like reading, fine. There are plenty of apps that'll read it to you. There are plenty of dramatic apps that'll read the Bible in, in drama. But dads, you must be in the scriptures because it is incumbent upon [00:19:00] you as head of your household to teach your children.
And moms, that does not excuse you because dad's gonna go to work and you've got the rest of the day. So moms, you need to be in the scriptures just as much, and you need to be pouring that into the lives of your child. Now Psalm 127. Psalm 127 beginning in verse three, "Behold, children are a gift of Yahweh."
Children are a gift, and this word translated gift basically means they are a valuable inheritance. They are a valuable heritage. And I think we need to remind ourselves because we often forget this. There is one thing that we as human beings can do that is eternal, apart from the way we live our lives, and that is create children.
And when we have children, we have e- created eternal beings And God says they're a gift. They're a gift [00:20:00] of Yahweh. The fruit of the womb is a reward, literally wages. They are like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one's youth. How blessed is the man whose quiver is full. They will not be ashamed when they speak with their enemies at the gate.
And I wanna warn you here because Christians will sometimes take these verses, and it's easy for us to sit in judgment because, well, that family only has two kids. You know, they don't have any children. It is God who is sovereign over the womb It is God who opens and closes the womb. And I know plenty of families who wanted more children and couldn't.
But children are a blessing. Children are a gift. Children are reward. If you remember the creation ordinances that we looked at last week, children are the default setting. If you desire to be married and yet you don't desire children, [00:21:00] something is wrong, and you need to have your thinking rewired. You really do.
I'm not saying that there's never a case when you might get married and not have kids. It's possible. Maybe God is calling you to a dangerous mission field or something, I don't know. But the default in the creation pre-fall is a desire to have children, and they are a gift. The fourth principle, and it's on the, uh, the back of your f- uh, fill-in-the-blank page, but the fourth principle is children are a blessing and should be desired.
Children are a blessing, and they should be desired, and yet they are not. Children are not desired today. The birth rate has woefully dropped, not just in our country, but around the world. And there's a figure that's used, it's called the crude birth rate, and it is a crude number, but it's an easy way to look at, you know, the number of kids being born and stuff like that.
And the crude birth rate is based on the number of births per 1,000 people. Not 1,000 [00:22:00] women, but 1,000 people. And in our country, it was at its height in 1825. In 1825, there were just a little less than 60 children born for every 1,000 people. That's a lot of kids. In 2018, it dropped to below 12, 12 kids for every 1,000 people What about men and women?
You might be shocked, but more men today desire children than women, and that's actually telling. That's actually telling of the extent of feminism. That's actually telling of the extent of depravity. But more men desire women. I'm gonna give you the statistic in a couple of ways. Uh, when asked, uh, "Do you not want children?"
15% of men basically said, "I do not want children," over against 21% of women. When asked, "Do you want children?" 57% [00:23:00] of men said they wanted children. Only 45% of women said they wanted children. The average number of kids in a family in 1950, and this is around the world. There were, there were 195 countries in this survey, but the average number of kids back in 1950 was 4.7 kids per family.
I always wonder what that .7 child looked like, but 4.7 kids per family. The average number in 2017 was 2.4. 2.4. Societies die at that rate, just so you know
In addition to that, and I think this is a worse number
Islamic families are having way more babies than Christian families. Islamic families are having more babies than Christian families. The average fertility rate in Muslim families is three [00:24:00] point one children per women. In Christian families, it's two point seven. And you may think, "Well, that's not a big difference," and yet it is estimated that by the year two fifty-five, the Islamic religion will be larger than the Christian religion, and this is just based on birth rates.
Right now, Christianity is the largest religion in the world. It has the most numbers, but by... And this will be in your lifetimes. By the year twenty fifty-five to twenty sixty, it will be overtaken by Muslims simply by birth rate alone. If children are a blessing, why aren't we having them? And often, and I think the, the simple answer is our families are no longer structured.
And instead of being a joy, and instead of having our children under control, we're taught that we-- we're supposed to meet the needs of our children, and the children are supposed to run the family And we've got this twisted, this idea of children are now on top, not mom and [00:25:00] dad. And again, I am not downplaying children.
I love kids. I love your kids. We are a church that kids come to the service. And I know, it makes it a little noisier, it makes it a little squirmier, but God is pleased Turning your Bibles to Ephesians chapter 6. Turning your Bibles to Ephesians chapter 6 And as you're churning there, as I said earlier, there's a hierarchy in the family, but parents, parenting comes with responsibilities.
Parenting comes with the responsibility to care for our children, to support our children, and to instruct and train our children. And kids, Ephesians 6:1, it's in your handout. It's that first verse that you need to fill in the blank And I'm gonna read verses one and two, say some things, and then we'll move on.
But Ephesians 6:1, and the words are really simple, and the words [00:26:00] are really plain. And kids, listen to these words because this is God talking. This is not Pastor Mike talking. I'm just reading right now. "Children, obey your parents." And then there's a caveat, kids, and this is good news. "Children, obey your parents in the Lord."
You see, children, you're supposed to obey your parents in Jesus. You're supposed to obey your parents because you love Jesus, and this is how you obey Jesus, by obeying your parents. But children, this is also protection because, see, your parents can't tell you to sin. Your parents, the authority of parents is bound.
We don't have unlimited authority. "Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right." And this word translated "right," literally it lines up with God's law. It lines up with biblical morality. It is God's standard, and it is God's [00:27:00] Word, and it is God's non-negotiable command. "Children, obey your parents."
And children, let me let, let, let you in on a little secret, and we'll only touch on it today, but let me... A little secret. If you don't obey, the Bible has given your parents tools to discipline you, and sometimes that discipline hurts. In fact, all discipline is supposed to hurt to a certain extent. But children, you're to obey your parents, and literally what this word means is you're to listen to them.
You're to do what they request, and you're to do it without asking. You're to do it without, "But Mom," "But Dad." Now let me say something about that because we should expect immediate obedience from our children. But let me say something. Parents, you need to get in the habit of doing two things. Number one, you need to give them the reason why.
Don't just give them [00:28:00] blanket commands, but give them the reason why. "You need to go clean your room because God is a God of order, and your room is a mess. We need to put it back into order." "You need to be nice to your sister because God commands us to love our neighbor as ourselves, and so by loving your sister, you're loving God."
Now, if they demand a reason, you don't owe them one because daddy said. It's perfectly fine if they're demanding reasons, but we need to get in the habit of giving them the reason why And there was a second thing, and I just lost it. So um, if it comes back, I'll share it with you. Verse two. This command, kids, is grounded in the moral law of God.
What Paul does here is he quotes the Fifth Commandment. He quotes God's moral law, "Honor your father and mother." And God is gracious, kids. Listen to what God says, which is the first commandment with a promise. If you honor your father and mother, and if you're young, [00:29:00] that means to obey them. If you're older, that might mean care for them.
It might mean visit them. It might mean if mom is busy, you're gonna feed dad Just a thought that popped into my head. Just checking if you're listening. My daughter's here, but anyway
Honor your father and your mother, which is the first command with a promise. God is so gracious. "Obey me, and I'm gonna reward you." Kids, and guess what the reward is? So it may be well with you, and that you may live long upon the earth. And understand the context here, because originally Paul or, uh, Moses was giving this to the Israelites, and originally it was a covenant promise, which makes it corporate, and it was about living in the promised land for a long time.
Paul has tweaked this command ever so slightly because now, because the gospel has gone out to the Gentiles, now we're gonna live long upon the earth. It's still a covenant promise, and [00:30:00] it still has corporate elements to it. But one of the principles that we can apply is, kids, listen up, 'cause this is good news.
Kids, if you obey your parents, the Bible actually promises you will live longer lives. Okay, most of you know I'm a retired fireman. I can't tell you How many calls I went on in my career where there lay a dead child who would not have been dead had he obeyed and honored his parents? It happens far too often.
Children, honor your parents. Obey your parents Verse four, "Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord." And there's a lot of [00:31:00] unpacking here. First of all, fathers. Paul is very clear. Paul addresses parents earlier on in the passage, but now the specific word he uses is fathers.
Why? Because you are the head of your household. Why? Because you are ultimately responsible for the discipline that takes place in your household. Yes, you may need to delegate it for a portion of the day because you're, you're going to work and mom is at home, but you are ultimately responsible and you will be held responsible, just as Adam was held responsible.
Don't do what Adam did. Adam shirked his responsibility. "Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger." And this is an interesting word, and we need to be careful here because you can't always break down a word, okay? Sometimes you can break down a word into its parts and it'll make sense and it's legitimate.
I'll give you an example. Um, butterfly. Butterflies are beautiful, but it doesn't mean if you take a housefly and stick it in butter it turns into something [00:32:00] beautiful, right? It doesn't make sense to break that word down. But this word, it makes sense, and literally what it says is, "Fathers, don't make your children so angry, so frustrated, that they are literally beside themselves in anger."
Now, discipline will sometimes make our kids angry, but that's not what Paul is talking about here. Paul is talking about bullying. That's not discipline. "Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up." And this is a word that is all-encompassing. Literally, this word means to nourish. It literally means to feed, to educate.
One grammarian put it this way. This word brings together all these ideas, to raise a child to maturity by, by providing for physical and psychological needs. So when Paul commands us to bring up our children, that means everything, their physical needs, their spiritual needs, their medical needs, their educational needs.
All of that is [00:33:00] our responsibility, not the state's. And the state has encroached It is our responsibility, fathers. It is your responsibility as the head of your house. You are to discipline and instruct them. And these words are almost synonymous, but they have to do with, on the one hand, you teach them proper behavior and you give them the whys, and on the other hand, you teach them the consequences of improper behavior.
But again, kids, there's a caveat. We're to raise them in the discipline and the instruction of the Lord. We don't get to create our own rules. We can apply God's rules to our children, but we don't get to just come up with weird rules. We are still under the authority of Jesus Christ. We must still bow the knee to Jesus Christ.
We must know the law of God so that we can apply it to the lives of our children. Flip over a couple of books, uh, two books to be [00:34:00] exact, to the book of Colossians And if you want a, an easy way of remembering the order, Girls Eat Popcorn. Galatians, Ephesians, Philippians, Colossians. Okay, but turn over to the book of Colossians, and in Colossians chapter 3, beginning in verse 20, kids, the same words, "Children, be obedient to your parents."
Well, how far should I go? I mean, how obedient should I be? Well, Paul tells us, "Children, be obedient to your parents in everything." There are no exceptions. "For it is well pleasing to the Lord. Fathers, do not exasperate your children so that they will not lose heart." And what is meant by exasperating here is to irritate, to embitter them, to challenge them.
And again, it's more a form of bullying than it is enforcing the law of God in your home So how [00:35:00] do we exasperate our children? How do we bring our children to anger or bitterness? I think it's important. I wanna look at both sides of the coin. What are some behaviors that, that we might be doing that would exasperate our children?
And then I wanna look at the other side of the coin, what are some behaviors that we can do that will not exasperate them, but will honor God as we bring them up? And, and one such behavior is what's called authoritative parenting. It's rigid rules without a foundation. It's when you've got all these rules, and maybe they're based on God's word, maybe they're not, but you're not explaining the rules.
You're not teaching your kids why these things are important. These are rules without love And there are many fathers in our world They set the rules, they go to work, they come home, they expect mom to do all the work And they think they've done their job because they pay the bills. There's also permissive parenting, and permissive parenting I think is probably more popular nowadays, [00:36:00] but there's-- when there's no rules, there's no discipline.
It's trying to be friends with your kids. Let me tell you something, mom and dad, until your kids hit their late teens, you're not their friend, and if your goal is to be their friend, you're going to regret it. Now, when they grow up and they get married, hopefully you're gonna be friends. Hopefully you're gonna be close.
Hopefully you'll go to each other for advice. Because if you've raised a wise child, they're gonna know things now that you don't. They're gonna be able to advise you on things, and you continue to advise them. But while you're raising them, you're parents, and then you become coaches, and it's not until they're older that you become friends per se.
Our children need direction. Our children need boundaries just like we do. Favoritism is another thing that we can do. Dads, moms, if you favor one child over another, they will pick up on it. [00:37:00] Think of the story of Jacob and Joseph. Joseph was favored over his brothers. What did they do? Well, they wanted to kill him.
And thankfully, if you know the story, one of the brothers said something, but thankfully God is sovereign and God got ahold of them, and they ended up s- selling him into slavery. And thankfully God is sovereign and God brought about something good. But what the brothers did was sinful and partly based on favoritism of Jacob Not allowing for failure.
There are some dads that don't let their kids fail, and I'm not talking about moral failure, but I'm talking about physical or ability failures. Our kids will fail just like us. Injustice, promise breaking. Dads, if you continually break your promises, your kids will no longer trust you. Discouragement, lack of affection.
There are some dads that think it is somehow feminine to hug their children[00:38:00]
No restoration after discipline. We discipline our kids, we do it with a heavy hand, and there's no restoration. There's no explanation of why they received that punishment, and that Daddy loves you, and Daddy forgives you, and Daddy wants you to be like Jesus, and Daddy wants you to grow up and go to heaven.
But sometimes discipline is all by itself. Public chastisement, physical or verbal abuse, saying no too quickly. Now, I gotta be honest with you, that was me. Okay? I told you I worked for the fire department, and I would go to work, and I would see all these weird things. And I would come home and, you know, the kids would be excited and like, "Daddy, the mailman's out there.
Can we go get the mail?" "No, you might die And our kids learned, and this was not manipulative because our kids knew that mom and dad were gonna talk. But our kids learned very quickly that we need to go to mom first because then mom can come and present the idea to dad, 'cause they're gonna talk. But [00:39:00] mom can talk dad off the ledge.
Sweetheart, they might not die. God is sovereign. Okay? But you don't wanna say no too quickly. You wanna think through your yeses and your no. Here's another one that you might not think of, ineffective spanking. If you're spanking your kids in an ineffective way, you're just making them mad. Here's another one, not confessing your sin.
There's not a father alive who hasn't sinned against his child. Are you willing to get down on your knees and get that little face in front of your face, and from your heart say, "Son," or, "Sweetheart, daddy sinned. Daddy was angry. Daddy took his anger out on you. Daddy didn't treat mommy the way daddy should've, and I need to ask for your forgiveness."
Have you ever done that with a child? Because trust me, there are plenty of opportunities. Being [00:40:00] inconsistent with standards. Well, how do we raise our kids in a way that we're not gonna frustrate them, that we're not gonna push them away? And it begins with this, prayer, weeping. Dads, have you been on your knees and have you wept before God?
Have you recognized the enormity of the responsibility of bringing up eternal beings to live before a holy God? Have you gone to prayer? Have you admitted and confessed your failures to God? Have you reached out and depended upon His abundant grace? Because there's no harder job in the world than to parent in a way that honors God Moms, are you in prayer?
Moms, are you praying for your husbands that God would continue to make him the godly man and the godly leader that you need to follow, that the children need to follow and hear from? [00:41:00] Grandparents, are you on your knees praying for your grandchildren, praying for your children and their spouses that they would honor God, that they would obey Him?
It begins with prayer. It begins with weeping, and from there it goes on, dads, you must love your wives because your children will see it. And let me tell you something, your child's world, their entire world is your marriage. And if your marriage is disrupted, if they know mommy and daddy are mad at each other and they're fighting, their world is turned upside down.
And you're going to have fights, and you're gonna have disagreements, and you're gonna have arguments, but you can teach your kids how to go about it
Dads, you need to work. You need to work and you need to provide for your family. In 1 Timothy 5:8, "But if anyone does not provide for his own and especially for those of his household, he has [00:42:00] denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever." Dad, if you're not coming home tired because you've worked all day, go back and read that verse, 1 Timothy 5:8.
You're to work. And that might mean more than one job maybe. That might mean you need-- you're coming home and you're tired and yet you know you're gonna come home and help your wife, 'cause she's tired also. Are you working to the full extent of your ability? Do you protect your family? And this is hard, these two are hard to bring together, but you need to work and you need to put in as much time as is necessary, but at the same time, you need to spend time with your family.
You guys need to do things as a family. This idea of quality versus quantity time is a myth. It's a lie. Nobody said parenting was easy. But when I think about this spending time with our children, uh, it always comes to my mind, it's the, uh, song by Harry Chapin, Cat's in [00:43:00] the Cradle. I'm sure you're all probably familiar with the song.
I hate that song. That song breaks me every time I hear it He has a child, and the child is born, and the chorus goes, "And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon." And it's fascinating if you go in, and there's some websites that I found that will unpack songs for you and give you suggestions on maybe what the writer meant.
But it's fascinating when you unpack these words. "And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon. Little Boy Blue and the man on the moon. When are you coming home, Dad? I don't know when, but we'll get together then. You know we'll have a good time then." And I would love to finish reading the words, but time is not going to permit.
But, uh, they never got together, and the dad grew old to regret it, and the son did become just like him. Dads, you need to spend time with your kids. You need to demonstrate a need and love for one another. That means your kids should be doing chores. Your kids should [00:44:00] have responsibilities around the house because they need to know that they're part of the family, and they're needed.
You need to encourage your children. Dads, have you ever written your son or your daughter a note, a love letter? You know, I'm, I'm told... I've never asked my kids. I've written them multiple letters, and I've never asked them if they have kept them. I'm told that kids will keep them. But I will tell you this, my kids have written me several letters, and I have them all.
And whenever I need to flush my eyes out, I will dig them out and read through them. They, they work very good as eye drops. I don't know what... But those things are special, and kids do not easily forget those things. You need to instruct them w- wisely, and I know I'm repeating myself, but it means back in the Word of God.
Colossians 3:16, "Let the word of Christ richly dwell within you, with all wisdom, teaching and admonishing one [00:45:00] another with psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with thankfulness in your hearts to God." But literally, let the word of Christ richly dwell within you. And literally, what the Greek means there is the Word of God should be at home in your heart because that is how we instruct our children.
That is how we encourage our children. Dads, keep your promises. Proverbs 12:22, "Lying lips are an abomination to Yahweh, but those who deal faithfully are His delight." Keep your promises, dads. And last but not least, and believe me, there's more, be affectionate to your children. Hug your children. Love your children.
There's going to come a day in their teenage years that they're gonna not gonna wanna be hugged. They're not gonna wanna be kissed. And that time will pass But it's nothing like when they're young. It's nothing like when they'll cuddle up into your chest and they feel safe, and you know they're safe because you have them.
[00:46:00] Dad, hug your children. Be affectionate to your children, especially you dads with daughters, because if your daughters don't get hugs from you, they will find them elsewhere Jesus is our example. I wanna wrap things up. Jesus is our example. I want you to listen to how Jesus obeyed His parents. In Luke chapter 2, the 51st verse, uh, we read earlier in the context that Jesus was 12 years old.
They came to Jerusalem to one of the feasts, and as they were leaving Jerusalem and going back to Nazareth, we read in Luke chapter 2 verse 51, "And He," speaking of Jesus, "He went down with them and came to Nazareth," down from Jerusalem to Nazareth, "and He continued in subjection to them." This is Jesus. Okay, trust me, at 12 years old, He knew He was God.
Okay? He was God in flesh. He was God incarnate, and yet as an incarnate man in covenant with His Father and [00:47:00] in covenant with His earthly mother and father, He knew that His role was to obey them. And we read here that Jesus continued in, present tense, ongoing action, continued in submission and subjection to His earthly mother and father.
And His mother treasured all these things in her heart And towards the end of Jesus' life, we see that to the very end, he was also obedient to his Heavenly Father. You see, kids, Jesus is our example. And in Luke chapter 22 verse 42, and I, I encourage you, go back and read this. Go back and read the, the Gospel of John's account.
Jesus was distressed. Jesus was so emotionally distressed that in the Gospel of John it says he was near death. Jesus was experiencing something that none of us will experience. And he was close to death, and he went to the Garden of Gethsemane, and his friends abandoned him. They couldn't stay awake and pray with him, and he would fall on his [00:48:00] knees, not once, not twice, but three times.
And he would plead with his Father from a human perspective, "Father, if you are willing, remove this cup from me. I don't want to experience the sin of the world. I don't want to experience your wrath on the cross. I don't want to experience an eternity of hell." Not from a human perspective. Yet not my will, but yours be done.
Children, is that in your heart? Is that how you understand obedience? Mom and Dad, not my will, but yours be done, because that's Jesus. That was Jesus' example. And I'm gonna bring it to an end there, and I just wanna remind you of all the principles, and I skipped four and five because we were running through them, but let me just read them to you one last time.
The family is indispensable for the existence of and good of church and state, and it's because it is [00:49:00] the family's role to fulfill the cultural mandate, which begins with marriage and having children, which begins with labor and dominion, which includes Sabbath or resting in God and worshiping God, and the family is the central component to fulfilling that commission.
The family is indispensable. God has designed a hierarchy within the home, and if we don't submit to God's hierarchy, we will fail, and we will look like the world. The husband-wife relationship is the priority relationship in the family, and your children need to know that. They will respect that. They will love you for that, and they will duplicate it when they begin their own covenant household.
Number four, children are a blessing and should be desired. And the fifth principle is that nature, design... And let me just tell you, men and women are different. We're not designed the same. We have the same human nature, but we have different [00:50:00] skills and designs and, and capacities. Nature, design, rank, authority, hierarchy are God's design There's no time in history where a group of men got together and said, "Hey, let's write out these rules."
This came straight from God. These things are God's design, and they do not add to or take away from our significance or standing before God, but they do order God's world. Will you submit to God's ordering? Let's pray Father in heaven, thank you for the family. God in heaven, thank you for our wives. The Bible is very clear, we need our wives.
Wives are a gift. Wives are a blessing. Father, I pray for every man in this room that they would begin to appreciate their wives more and more. I pray for every woman in this room that she would appreciate her husband, that she would learn to respect him, that she would [00:51:00] know in her heart that he needs her, but she needs him every bit as much.
And Father, there is an s- there is a sense in which a wife completes a man, completes his thinking, makes him mature
But the other side of that coin is a, a man completes a woman, and he protects her, and he provides for her, and he allows her to flourish. And Father, I pray for each and every single child in this room right now that you would draw them to yourself, that you would regenerate them, that you would bring them to faith.
Maybe a childlike faith, but that moms and dads would see the fruit of that faith, that they would love you, that they would fall on their knees, and they would love you. They would want to serve you and follow you all the days of their life, and I pray that they would have an outstanding example in their parents, but that they would love you.
Father, you are gracious, and Father, let us never forget that beginning all the way back with Adam and Eve and very [00:52:00] clearly again with Abraham, you have promised to work through families. So Father, I beg of you, I beseech you, I pray your promises back to you. Work through the families of Covenant Church.
Work through our families to change this community. Work through our families to change this county. Work through our families to change this state. Work through our families to change the world. May we stop thinking little. Father, you promised to work through families. Work through ours, and may we expect great things as we humbly bow the knee to you.
Father, thank you for your Word. I pray that we will go home and rehash and rediscuss all this information. For Father, we come to you, and we thank you, and we pray all these things because of the work and the finished work of Jesus Christ. And all of God's people said, "Amen."
